From the moment she left the place I was stumbled with a
great confusion. She has added an extra confusion in my foggy life. But this
time the impact was high. I couldn’t escape from the trip as she had got my
parent’s permission already. I had not learned anything since the holiday
started. All I did was stalking rika’s profile. Now, Sara diverted me from
rika.
I went to sara’s house to study for the exams. At first she
refused to teach me as I said I will study by myself. After a few buttery talks
I convinced her. “Don’t I know about my Jay” was all she said. Even while her
teaching my mind was swinging and she found that. When I said that it was
because of the trip that she has decided and I asked for the reason for going.
She never answered. At one point I bellowed at her to answer for what fucking
we are going to Bangalore. She cried, sobbed and wept but never answered. Those
tears did not please me but made me angrier. I left her house banging the door.
When I fell on my bed, I recollected the memories I spent with sara. I have
never got her memories so far. Every time rika was haunting me and for the
first time sara. Those peppy talks, little fights, that first kiss, movie, bike
ride on the rainy eve made me to calm down. Immediately I called up sara but
she never attended. Due to my nonstop calls she attended but didn’t speak. I
went to her house and looked for her. She was still crying. I touched her and
asked sorry. No response.
“These tears are valuable for me, please save it” I said
which got me a smile. She kissed, we kissed.
“Don’t say me that you kissed me to get why we are going to
Bangalore.” She said which made me to feel pity. “It shows that you don’t trust
me Jay”
“I came here only to apologise and I trust you, in fact love
you” as I said I got a peck in my cheek.
“Sara what should I do if something which I like, takes me
far from my dreams, confuse me, make me a loser even before I fight?” I asked
as if I had some problem. But the intention was to get her answer in which ‘like’
represented ‘sara’ and ‘dreams’ represented ‘rika’ which I alone knew.
“I don’t understand and I don’t want to know what exactly
you are talking about. All I could say is keep the thing which you like with
you during your progress. It will give you happiness whenever you are exhausted.”
Our exams started the next day. She was sitting adjacent to
me in the exam hall. I could see each and every part of sara, her movements and
her paper too. She turned towards me and gave thumbs up which I accepted
showing her all my teeth. The foggy confusion was still there, Sara or Rika? My
soul tipped me off to solve the confusion before she could take me to rika,
else I could be in a problem, forever.
She gave me thumbs up for every exam but on the last exam
she also said ‘we are leaving tonight’ which gave me shivers on my spine and
sweat on my body. I breathed hot without knowing about the future. The exams
were disaster but with Sara’s help I got confidence that I would pass.
The D-day was getting close as we sat next to each other on
the bus. She took the window seat. Once I got settled she gave me a kiss. I
smiled. My hands were cold and I breathed very hot. I looked around, the
ambience was good. An AC Volvo bus’s ambience would always be good. She sensed
my jitteriness and asked if I am alright. I gave her an alright smile back.
One day the climax should come. Let that be today because I
will not get such an ambience next time. The bus had its benefits. She can’t
run away or I could control her, she can’t throw me out, she can’t be left
alone. I finalised the I would confess now.
“Sara, I want to talk to you which are very important. Don’t
interrupt me in between or forgive if I say something wrong” I said.
“Go on” she was
precise.
“When you proposed me I didn’t know that you are the one I
was looking for. That’s why I said you that I am not sure about our future. Few
days later I came across a beautiful girl’s profile on facebook. I liked her
the moment I saw. She got into me and I was crazy about her. She became my PC
and phone’s wallpaper. Every day I was stalking her profile and was chatting
with her. This was the reason for my weirdness. I didn’t know that I loved her
but I liked her. I don’t know much about her but she makes me to forget
everything when I speak with her. The craziness took me to Bangalore and I
didn’t participate in any competition, I lied to you. I wandered almost
everywhere in Bangalore to find her. I sneaked into the ladies college, got
caught, but fortunately, escaped. I found her in a street when I was walking.
We went into the CCD and spoke for few minutes. Then we had chatted few more
times. I don’t know I either love her or not. From the moment I saw her I was
let into a big confusion of whom I love. I have been thinking for a long time
but I never got the answer. I know your love is true and pure. I always
respected your love. But none of the time I got your memories. It was on the
eve before our exams I got your memories for the first time. The memories,
which somersaulted my heart and gave me the answer for months long question” I
paused to see her. As expected her eyes was watery. I looked into her eyes, she
turned towards the window. I waited for her to turn but she was crying facing
the window. I held her hand and asked her to speak to me. But she didn’t. Few
minutes later she spoke, crying.
“Jay I am happy that you said it now. You forgot me when she
was around. These phrases should not be heard by a lover. You don’t understand
how it hurts. It could be understood only by the person who loves. You will not
understand because you didn’t love me, but cheated me. You could have said it
before accepting my love, at least I would have gone out of your life earlier.
How the fuck you got the heart to betray me? do I look like an idiot? Even if
we marry this is something which I could never forget. No girl will like her
boy to love someone or to be loved by someone else. But you have given me a
pain that I should suffer for a lifelong. She paused for seconds and continued
again. But you forgot two things jay. One is me and another is that your
password. Damn-mad don’t you know that I knew your password? I found there is
something wrong when you sat in front of the social network all the time. But I
took few days to know what exactly was happening to you. Your mobile wallpaper
gave me the answer. I cried every day thinking of you. Doesn’t my love satisfies
you? Or is beauty is your problem? Why did you do this Jay? Am I not good to
you? Was your love fake? Why did you even kiss me being in such a confusion? Was it just for your pleasure? So you had
used me Jay. I had blindly trusted you
and I showed you the purest form of love. But you misused my love and trust.
You have played with my life Jay. You have been making me a fool all these
days. Had not got this situation what would have you done? What would have you
done if she had fallen for you? I’m sure you would have dumped me without
giving a thought about my life. After all you didn’t love me. Do you know how
it hurts me? You have been so self-fish. You have shattered my dreams Jay“ She
cried resting her head on my shoulder.
Photo Courtesy: GOOGLE
Tears rolled down along my cheeks. It was such a pain to
watch her crying from her heart. I was searching for words to speak. I know
what I have done to her. I wanted her to realize that though my mind was
clouded with rika all these days, my heart had always searched for sara. It’s
hard to convince someone whose heart has broken into pieces. I cleared my
throat to speak up.
“I can realize the harm that I have done to you. I know the
pain that you are undergoing. All these days while I was stalking rika, the
guilt of betraying your trust haunted me. Once I made up my mind not to think
about her. But it was just her face which drove me through the wrong path.
Please know that I was just attracted to her. Now I have realized that the
feeling I had for rika was just a kinda lust, may be. But you have taught me
what real love is. All these days you have been urging for my love but now it’s
me who urges for the same. I really love you and this time I am serious about
our future too. Don’t think I am saying it in pity, I swear. You made me to
feel your love and I want you throughout my life. Just forgive me for the last
time and you would find a new Jay sorry old Jay back. After all, One’s happiness can’t be unhappiness of
another “I said but she gave a blank expression.
Photo Courtesy: GOOGLE
I was waiting for her
to speak back but she refused to utter a word. The whole journey was like hell.
But I was curious and scared to know what was waiting for me in Banglore. We
finally reached there around 6 a.m but
she was still calm and I was just looking at her.
Dis tym u kept waiting ur readers fr so long bt I must say d wait ws worth it.. D conversation btwn jay nd sara ws really heart touching.. I cud relate it to myslf.. Gud going.. Lukin frwrd fr d nxt post..
ReplyDeleteThanks a ton Mansi Jain. you always make my day happier by your reviews and i wait for it every time :) will not take much time for the next post. SOON.
Deletenice blog very fast loading & nice artikel^^
ReplyDeleteThank you narrucyber :)
DeleteNice Post:D
ReplyDeleteAnd Nice Templates
hope u r not criticizing.
Deletebut Thanks Jeremy :)
nice story...bt try and use punctuation at appropriate places. It wud b nice if u gave a bakground of da characters
ReplyDeleteThanks, will try from the next post.
Delete