One’s happiness can’t be unhappiness of another

From the moment she left the place I was stumbled with a great confusion. She has added an extra confusion in my foggy life. But this time the impact was high. I couldn’t escape from the trip as she had got my parent’s permission already. I had not learned anything since the holiday started. All I did was stalking rika’s profile. Now, Sara diverted me from rika.

I went to sara’s house to study for the exams. At first she refused to teach me as I said I will study by myself. After a few buttery talks I convinced her. “Don’t I know about my Jay” was all she said. Even while her teaching my mind was swinging and she found that. When I said that it was because of the trip that she has decided and I asked for the reason for going. She never answered. At one point I bellowed at her to answer for what fucking we are going to Bangalore. She cried, sobbed and wept but never answered. Those tears did not please me but made me angrier. I left her house banging the door. When I fell on my bed, I recollected the memories I spent with sara. I have never got her memories so far. Every time rika was haunting me and for the first time sara. Those peppy talks, little fights, that first kiss, movie, bike ride on the rainy eve made me to calm down. Immediately I called up sara but she never attended. Due to my nonstop calls she attended but didn’t speak. I went to her house and looked for her. She was still crying. I touched her and asked sorry. No response.

“These tears are valuable for me, please save it” I said which got me a smile. She kissed, we kissed.

“Don’t say me that you kissed me to get why we are going to Bangalore.” She said which made me to feel pity. “It shows that you don’t trust me Jay”

“I came here only to apologise and I trust you, in fact love you” as I said I got a peck in my cheek.

“Sara what should I do if something which I like, takes me far from my dreams, confuse me, make me a loser even before I fight?” I asked as if I had some problem. But the intention was to get her answer in which ‘like’ represented ‘sara’ and ‘dreams’ represented ‘rika’ which I alone knew.

“I don’t understand and I don’t want to know what exactly you are talking about. All I could say is keep the thing which you like with you during your progress. It will give you happiness whenever you are exhausted.”

Our exams started the next day. She was sitting adjacent to me in the exam hall. I could see each and every part of sara, her movements and her paper too. She turned towards me and gave thumbs up which I accepted showing her all my teeth. The foggy confusion was still there, Sara or Rika? My soul tipped me off to solve the confusion before she could take me to rika, else I could be in a problem, forever.

She gave me thumbs up for every exam but on the last exam she also said ‘we are leaving tonight’ which gave me shivers on my spine and sweat on my body. I breathed hot without knowing about the future. The exams were disaster but with Sara’s help I got confidence that I would pass.

The D-day was getting close as we sat next to each other on the bus. She took the window seat. Once I got settled she gave me a kiss. I smiled. My hands were cold and I breathed very hot. I looked around, the ambience was good. An AC Volvo bus’s ambience would always be good. She sensed my jitteriness and asked if I am alright. I gave her an alright smile back.

One day the climax should come. Let that be today because I will not get such an ambience next time. The bus had its benefits. She can’t run away or I could control her, she can’t throw me out, she can’t be left alone. I finalised the I would confess now.

“Sara, I want to talk to you which are very important. Don’t interrupt me in between or forgive if I say something wrong” I said.

  “Go on” she was precise.

“When you proposed me I didn’t know that you are the one I was looking for. That’s why I said you that I am not sure about our future. Few days later I came across a beautiful girl’s profile on facebook. I liked her the moment I saw. She got into me and I was crazy about her. She became my PC and phone’s wallpaper. Every day I was stalking her profile and was chatting with her. This was the reason for my weirdness. I didn’t know that I loved her but I liked her. I don’t know much about her but she makes me to forget everything when I speak with her. The craziness took me to Bangalore and I didn’t participate in any competition, I lied to you. I wandered almost everywhere in Bangalore to find her. I sneaked into the ladies college, got caught, but fortunately, escaped. I found her in a street when I was walking. We went into the CCD and spoke for few minutes. Then we had chatted few more times. I don’t know I either love her or not. From the moment I saw her I was let into a big confusion of whom I love. I have been thinking for a long time but I never got the answer. I know your love is true and pure. I always respected your love. But none of the time I got your memories. It was on the eve before our exams I got your memories for the first time. The memories, which somersaulted my heart and gave me the answer for months long question” I paused to see her. As expected her eyes was watery. I looked into her eyes, she turned towards the window. I waited for her to turn but she was crying facing the window. I held her hand and asked her to speak to me. But she didn’t. Few minutes later she spoke, crying.

“Jay I am happy that you said it now. You forgot me when she was around. These phrases should not be heard by a lover. You don’t understand how it hurts. It could be understood only by the person who loves. You will not understand because you didn’t love me, but cheated me. You could have said it before accepting my love, at least I would have gone out of your life earlier. How the fuck you got the heart to betray me? do I look like an idiot? Even if we marry this is something which I could never forget. No girl will like her boy to love someone or to be loved by someone else. But you have given me a pain that I should suffer for a lifelong. She paused for seconds and continued again. But you forgot two things jay. One is me and another is that your password. Damn-mad don’t you know that I knew your password? I found there is something wrong when you sat in front of the social network all the time. But I took few days to know what exactly was happening to you. Your mobile wallpaper gave me the answer. I cried every day thinking of you. Doesn’t my love satisfies you? Or is beauty is your problem? Why did you do this Jay? Am I not good to you? Was your love fake? Why did you even kiss me being in such a confusion?  Was it just for your pleasure? So you had used me Jay.  I had blindly trusted you and I showed you the purest form of love. But you misused my love and trust. You have played with my life Jay. You have been making me a fool all these days. Had not got this situation what would have you done? What would have you done if she had fallen for you? I’m sure you would have dumped me without giving a thought about my life. After all you didn’t love me. Do you know how it hurts me? You have been so self-fish. You have shattered my dreams Jay“   She cried resting her head on my shoulder.

Photo Courtesy: GOOGLE

Tears rolled down along my cheeks. It was such a pain to watch her crying from her heart. I was searching for words to speak. I know what I have done to her. I wanted her to realize that though my mind was clouded with rika all these days, my heart had always searched for sara. It’s hard to convince someone whose heart has broken into pieces. I cleared my throat to speak up.

“I can realize the harm that I have done to you. I know the pain that you are undergoing. All these days while I was stalking rika, the guilt of betraying your trust haunted me. Once I made up my mind not to think about her. But it was just her face which drove me through the wrong path. Please know that I was just attracted to her. Now I have realized that the feeling I had for rika was just a kinda lust, may be. But you have taught me what real love is. All these days you have been urging for my love but now it’s me who urges for the same. I really love you and this time I am serious about our future too. Don’t think I am saying it in pity, I swear. You made me to feel your love and I want you throughout my life. Just forgive me for the last time and you would find a new Jay sorry old Jay back. After all, One’s happiness can’t be unhappiness of another “I said but she gave a blank expression.

Photo Courtesy: GOOGLE

 I was waiting for her to speak back but she refused to utter a word. The whole journey was like hell. But I was curious and scared to know what was waiting for me in Banglore. We finally reached there around 6 a.m  but she was still calm and I was just looking at her.

The Promise

The happiness lasted long but not her chats. I was online all time but she was found to be invisible. I tried to ping her but I never got any reply. I mailed her saying “The Promise, you made is yet to be complete.” I wished to have yet few more conversations with her but all I could do was to admire her.As it was my study holidays, I was supposed to concentrate on my studies. Instead I had my PC in my studying table. I arranged few books in the corner of the table so that the monitor would be covered.

My parents never compelled me to study and score high marks and at the same time I never made them low by flunking in papers. I strive hard to get decent score in every subject and they are happy with that. Most of the good parents know their child’s capacity and I got the best parents.

                                                     Photo Courtesy : GOOGLE

In few minutes my mom came into my room, and she was damn happy to see me with the heap of books. “And finally my son has started studying” she said and blushed. “I came to say you something. Sara called me and asked what you are doing. It seems you are not picking up her call.”

“Mom!Exams are nearing, so let me concentrate on my books rather than my mobile and I don’t want to get distracted by anything. Please let her know that mom.” I said and turned towards my table.

I hardly read a page, but nothing seem to get into my head as it was fully clouded with the thoughts of Rika. I was scribbling in the paper which my mom thought I was working out. But I was working out for a poem. I didn’t know how to write a poem as it was the first time.

Her promise to do anything is still waiting,

What shall I ask her for??

How will I make her realize that all I need is

My eyes to admire her,

Legs to walk along with her,

My hands to hold her,

For lifelong.

As I was floating in my dreams, a sudden bang on the door brought me to the reality. With curses under my breath I turned to see who it was. It was Sara. She was looking strangeand I could sense her anger. Without uttering a word with her I tried to hide the paper which had my poem. But unfortunately Sara had noticed my hands trying to fold the piece of paper. She grabbed it from my hand and she read what was written. By the time she was reading I started to build up a story in my mind so that she will be convinced with it. As I was about to narrate the story to her she stopped me to say something.

“It’s getting serious. We need to sort out something in Banglore. So we are leaving, this holiday.” Was all she said and left my room.

Her words shook my body and it started to sweat heavily.Floods of questions arose.

 Did she really mean about Rika?

How did she knew it?

 Is this her only reaction on knowing about Rika?

 Why banglore?

 Did she talk with Rika?

All these question confused me a lot. But these thoughts also gave me some relief. Yes finally the drama is heading towards the climax. But Rika doesn’t know anything. I didn’t know what are all other difficulties I’m going face later.

 P.S. Girls are good at making promise and bad at keeping them.

Longest conversation, Extended happiness

Witch-made-smile lasted for few more days and I didn’t know the whereabouts of my worries. That small chat had given a sudden change to me. Sara was sweet to me as before and I acted to be sweet to her. I don’t know why I did so.

When the college was about to end that day, we received a circular from principal’s table stating “The last working day for this semester is pre-pone to today and the exams are starting from 21^st. More details available on the notice board. All the best for your exams. ”

I was exhilarated after hearing the circular for two things. One, I don’t have to act for the next 20days and the other is I will get few more extra hours to admire my beauty’s picture. A sudden thought stroke my mind “What if sara calls me for the group study like we did earlier?”

As we walked back to our homes I initiated the talk.  “The exams are ahead and we have very little time to cover the portions. We have not touched any part yet and we know how much we scored in the internals. If we don’t get serious now our career would be ruined. What I’m trying to say is this 20days let us concentrate on studies than chatting, talking and roaming. That would help us anyway”

“Yes anyway we both are going to study at your place and I will be teaching you all the subjects. This is what we did earlier and we will follow the same. I’m glad that I will be with you for the whole day” she said and let her tongue out like this :P

“We were different earlier and we are different now. So I think I need to study alone. If I still study like a small child then I would be used to it. So I will study by myself and you study by yourself Sara. Don’t mistake me. It’s just for our better life”. As I finished a drop of tear rolled from her left eye.

“Ok Jay as you wish” she said and left to her house.

As soon as I reached home I switched on the pc. Yeah! It was Rika’s timing to surf and she was there online. The dilemma of whether to ping her or not took more time that she went offline. So I did the work which was my everyday’s duty. I saw everything with excruciating sight. Time flew away soon and mom called for the coffee.

After I finished the coffee I was astound to see a chat box had opened saying Hi. The moment I looked the top of the chat box took me to ecstasy. It was from my beauty Ms.Rika. I didn’t know what to do as I was in a jittery state. My hands were trembling in ecstasy, my heart became lighter and I was flying. I immediately reverted back her with hi.

Jay: hi

Rika: hi!

Jay:  Wassup? You had pinged me for the first time?

Rika: Nope I didn’t ping you.

Jay: check the chat history you had pinged.

Rika: sorry I had done it mistakenly.

Jay: Ok (sudden sadness filled the room)

She didn’t reply after that. I waited for few minutes and started again.

Jay: Saw ek deewana tha?

Rika: eeks! You watch those movies. I don’t like such stuffs. (She said as if I asked her about some porn movie.)

Jay: I liked it very much!

Rika: ok.

Photo Courtesy: GOOGLE

I gave a few minutes gap.

Rika: what doing?

Jay: (happiness activated) just returned back home roaming.

Rika: ok take rest.

Jay: why should I take rest all of a sudden? I’m not ill.

Rika: Thought you would be tired as you were roaming.

Jay: Nope! Not at all.

Rika: Can you do me a favour? (So this is why you pinged me)

Jay: Yes sure (my mouth opened a wide and my heart said anything for you Rika)

Rika: you should do it and you can’t regret later

Jay: I will try. (Oh! jay you shouldn’t have said that)

Rika: no leave you can’t.

Jay: just say it. let me decide whether I can or can’t.

Rika: tomorrow is my friend’s Birth day.

Jay: B’day wishes for your friend and wish her on my behalf. So what?

Rika: I want to give her a surprise and I need your help on that.

Jay: Ok what should I do?

Rika: My friend Amy likes a guy named Bryden lewis. He is one of the members of Slain band. I have got the other crew members numbers and I want his number. Can you get it? Can you ask them without saying anything about my friend and me? plz.

Jay: hey loosu…. (Idiot in Tamil)

Rika: I don’t wanna give you any more trouble leave bye. (The weapon of girls which they use to flatter any boy)

Jay: I’ll try (I tried to mollify her)

Rika: if you do this I’ll do anything for you.Is it ok? Plz

Jay: can I do it after few hours?

Rika: Sure but I need it today.

Jay: ok give me your number I will get his.

Rika: Manek D’silva 9xxxxxx000 and Judah Sandy 9xxxxxx361! (She is too cautious)

Jay: ok.I will get his number and you have promised to do anything for me. Keep it in mind.

Rika: Yes what do you want?

Jay: I will ask you after I give you his number. I will mail you the number as soon as I get .

Rika: Thanks man. You just made my day. (I would like to make each and every second of your life witch.)

Jay: Tell me some info about bryden lewis so that it would help me to talk to them.

Rika: few mins plz.

In a mean while I called manek it ringed but went unanswered. I called Judah which was not reachable. FISH!

Rika: I’m back. I don’t know anything about them.

Jay: both are not attending the call.

Rika: ok leave you do your work I will do mine. Bye.

 She said and went offline before I could say anything.

I had both of their numbers and I was playing with my mobile. I saw Rika smiling in my mobile. I did not want her to get upset instead want her to be happy always.

So I googled slain band and read few lines about them. Then I tried for maneks number. He answered me on my 7^th attempt.

Photo Courtesy: GOOGLE

“Hey manek” I said. “I am Jay speaking, to be short a big fan of your band. Your band is just awesome.”

“Thanks by the way how did you get my number?” manek said.

“Can you do me a favour?”

“Yes tell me”

“I’m Bryden lewis fan and I would like to speak it him. Can I get his number?”

“You can connect him through Facebook. Bye” he said and hung the phone.

It was just a fiasco with him. I cursed him and tried calling Judah. It was ringing now and she attended on 13^th time.

“Hey Judah”

“Hello. May I know who this is?”

“A very big fan of you, who notes every bit of you. You can ask me anything that I would answer right from your birthday etc. Your recent concert was awesome. You are just an amazing all rounder.”

“Wait wait. Take some breathe. Thanks I’m just blushed.”

“Bryden also does a very good job, can I get his number. I have to talk with him please.”

“Actually we shouldn’t give anyone’s no”

“You can do this small help for your big fan please.”

“Note it my dear 9xxxxxx132”

“Thanks Sandy. You made my day” I said and hung the call.

I immediately mail Rika stating

“Mission Accomplished”

Got bryden lewis number finally. 9xxxxxx132

In a few minutes I got her reply.

“Thanks a ton. Hope you have given the right number and not played with it. Thanks.”

“Just don’t make me angry” I replied back.

Is she testing me whether I’m trust worthy? Or is she using me to get her work done? Whatever it is, she had just gifted me a longest conversation and I’m happy with it.

P.S. Most girls just use men to get their works done. Hope it’s their nature.

Witch who made me smile!

The guilt never stopped me. It was killing me from inside. I couldn’t concentrate on anything. I was feeling pity on Sara for my behaviour. I know that I shouldn’t betray her and I should be true at least from now. I was thinking how to overcome this issue. But that made me go sick. So I switched on the television to distract myself. As I was surfing the channels my eyes suddenly got struck with a scene from some movie. A girl in scooty with covered face. The very scene took me to the memories of Rika.  Black and white images of the moments I spent with her flashed on my mind like a slideshow. Very soon my lips curved and I smiled for the 1^st time in a week.

Rika was all clouded in my head. Her cute face, fuzzy hair, rosy lips and I started admiring her in my mind. I saw Rika’s photo in my mobile. She smiled at me.

The very next moment I logged in to my facebook profile and was checking out the news feed. Nothing was interesting because I was only interested about Rika. I opened her profile and was shocked to see her new profile picture. The anxiety in me opened her picture and started admiring her. She was much more beautiful than the previous picture. A close up picture compared to the previous one and it drove me little poetic.

Photo Courtesy: Google

“Baby you’re just fit and fine,

I would like to make you mine.”

I had three options to do with that photo.

1. Like

2. Comment

3. Download.

Soon my hand went for the 3^rd option and I saved it in her folder. Then I changed my wallpaper of both my PC and mobile with the new picture. And of course I went for the first option as well and I was the 30^th to like the picture. Darn! I cursed myself for the late. I sent her a message stating “The new picture is just awesome. You could try modeling; I hope you would beat both KK’s”. And I came back to my job of admiring her. In few minutes a pop up sound came. It was a response from Rika and I soon saw she was online.

Oh thanks and I don’t have any idea like that. She sent. She is so precise in her chat and I liked it.

“You have bright chances. How are you?” I said to continue the chat.

“Fine and you?” she said.

“I’m good. When can we meet next?” I asked.

“Why should we meet and what is the purpose?” She said and was quite harsh.

“Just like that. As friends I don’t think we need a purpose to meet.”

“No need of meeting and that was just an accident. I don’t have any intention to meet any one. Especially boys.”

“Why? What sin did boys commit?” I asked

“I don’t believe in them. Everyone would end up in love.”

Man! She is Stubborn. Stubborn girls will have a good character and will not have any dealings with any others. They do their own work silently.

“Oh I see, hope you would have experienced it if I’m not wrong.” I said to clarify.

“That’s none of your business.”She snapped.

“Chill! How is your life going?”

“Aacha, I need to go out. Catch you later.”

“See you, take care.” I said.

She is a witch. She made me to forget my own issues and made me happy in few minutes.

Aftermath of GUILT

Guilt never stops bothering you until something is done with it. Thus I finally made up my mind to confess things about Rika to Sara. I know it’s going to be very hard for her but I thought not to delay anymore. I had no idea as to how to begin with .My mind was all clouded with the possible questions that Sara might throw as hearing this. I imagined the way she will react and the way she will expose her anger. The very thought frightened me. Betraying the trust of your beloved is the worst crime one can ever do. Standing as a criminal in front of her, I should accept all the punishments she gives me. I spent the whole night thinking of how and what has to be said. I did not know when I drifted off to sleep.

“Sara I know what I have for you is going to hurt but please make your heart strong enough. I know the love that you have for me is very pure and uncountable but sorry to say that I’m not as true as you are to me. This doesn’t mean that I don’t love you but I’m not able to show all my love to you. Though it was I who started about this love to you first, I realized we were only friends when we decided not to talk to each other for 3 days. After few months something I never expected happened. You proposed me. But you have to know what happened before that. I hope you remember those days when I was quite addicted to orkut. It had some reason behind. And it was RIKA. When I came across her account for the first time she was nothing to me. Just a stranger. But something made me to leave her a friend request which she had approved it after few days. Thus I started to stalk her .Soon her orkut page was book marked in my PC. What impressed me about her were the tastes which were very similar to mine. But what made me to fall for her was her pretty face which she had uploaded as her profile picture. She swept my heart by her gorgeous looks. Soon I became crazy on her. I gave my best to chat with her but nothing worked out. Suddenly one day she was not found in orkut. She disappeared. That was when I missed her. Too much. But I was glad to catch her again in facebook. And with the tour to banglore, it was my first attempt in search of her. My attempt did not go in vain. I saw her on the last day of the tour. We happened to meet in some café and I also got a chance to talk with her. But my presence did not make her happy. It just happened. All the while I tried my best to bring this to your knowledge but I couldn’t. Our last outing to the café was when I realized the harm that I was doing to you. That was an embarrassing situation for me. My guilt killed me. Thus I decided to let you know everything. I know this will hurt you badly but I’m helpless Sara. I’m really very sorry. I shouldn’t have done this to you. But do know that I love you as well. Hmm…. sounds insane right?”

As I was about to complete with what I wanted to say, I felt Sara’s palm hard on my left cheek. Too hard. She screamed, her face distorted with fury and pain. Tears rolled down on her cheeks. It never stopped. She abused me. All I could do was just stand like a shameless sheep closing my eyes. All of a sudden I heard nothing. It was stopped. No cry. No shouts. No abuse. When I opened my eyes I found Sara lying on the floor unconscious. She never opened her eyes. Everything went black.

Photo courtesy: Google

Chinta ta ta chita chita
Chinta ta taa..
Chinta ta ta chita chita
Chinta ta taa..

i couldn't hear anything than this song. i breathed heavily without knowing what to do.Only then,I got my breath when the phone was glowing.I rubbed my eyes and turned on the bedside lamp. It took quite a few minutes for me to realize that it was just a dream. The clock showed 5.45 am.   I looked for my phone and found it was Sara.

“Hello? “ I said.

“Good morning baby love you so much “was all I could hear. The very moment, the thought of confessing about Rika vanished.

Present Day..with Memories of Past :-(

Sara was back to normalcy. I realized that only my presence with her has made her better. I thought I should never make her suffer yet again. So as a first step for keeping her happy I decided to take her out. One fine morning I called her to say that we were going out by evening though I never knew where to take her. She was very happy hearing it. Around 6 at the evening I took my bike to pick up sara at her house. I enjoyed the few minutes ride and I was excited about taking her out as if it was the first time. I reached her house and I was welcomed by her mother. We had the formal talks and she left in asking me to wait for sara. After waiting for quite few minutes I saw someone walking down the stairs .A familiar face with gorgeous look was heading towards me. She was looking like an absolute stunner. For the first time sara made me to go freeze by her looks. Her face looked brighter than ever before. It clearly showed that she too was excited about our outing. We bade her mother a goodbye and took a leave from her house.

The ride with sara after long time gave me ecstasy. I felt proud to have a gorgeous looking girl by my side. We were clueless as to where to go. Thinking for a while sara said me to land at the café day. So we found ourselves in café day within few minutes. As soon as I stepped in, the memories of rika bounced into my head. The memories of the day when I was with rika in a similar café at banglore started haunting me again. All my excitement and ecstasy vanished by the very same moment. Sara on the other hand was enjoying every seconds. We took the corner table and sara sat very close to me .Her face pinkish. But my thought was full of rika. Though I felt very guilt, I was not able to stop thinking about her. I was even not able to concentrate on what the stunning gorgeous was saying. I did not even hear what she ordered for us though I know she would order nothing else than brownie. I was totally out of the world until I felt sara’s hand on mine. After gaining my conscious I tried not to think about rika, but I failed. So I decided at least to act as if I was enjoying the day with sara. I felt very sorry for sara who was showering me with all her love. Meanwhile our orders arrived and so I started to concentrate on it. Sara, who ordered brownie for her took a spoon of it to feed me. Seeing her doing so I cursed myself for what I’m now. Soon we finished our orders and hence we took a leave.

On the ride back to sara’s house the happiness and the feel which I had was no more. Soon we reached her house and I bade her goodnight. On return she gave a peck on my forehead. I was not able to stay there anymore. My guilt killed me inside. As I reached my house, my mom, who thought that I was enjoying the evening with sara, smiled at me. To show that all went well I gave her a return smile and rushed to my room before she showers me with her questions about the evening. Locking me behind the door I felt like shouting aloud. But I ended up by cursing me the whole night. 

Something has to be DONE!

                   
                                                           
 I sat near Sara seeing her condition. She was lying in my lap and holding my legs tightly to not let me go anywhere. She had turned to pale. Her body looked as if she is not well for years. Her rosy lips had faded out. Chubbiness had gone down. Her tiny eyes had shrunk more with dark circles below. I realized how fool I was to make Sara like this. The meeting with Rika played in my mind. I suddenly got conscious. 

Photo courtesy : Google

To just meet Rika I have gone till Bangalore leaving Sara and my family here. Who is she? I have never met her before, she was neither my class mate nor my neighbour. I have just seen her photo in a social network and got impressed. It was like admiring beauty of an actress. But I have walked like a mad on the streets of Bangalore without knowing where I was heading to, sneaked into women’s college without any proper permission, searched throughout the college for her, escaped from a major police case with the grace of a lecturer. I did too many things in the last 3 days just to see her. Why did I do these? Am I in love with Rika? Is this they call love at first sight? But as soon as I heard Sara’s name I felt jittery and I wanted to see her immediately. When I came to know she was sick, my heart pumped quickly than usual, increasing adrenaline in my body. The moment I saw her I broke down with few drops in my eyes. What the hell is going on with me? Why am I affectionate to both of them? For one I could leave everyone and go anywhere just to see her. For other I don’t care the world around me when she is around me. Insane. I can’t break someone’s heart with disappointment. But I should decide something soon, else there would be a serious problem that could reflect on me as well. But for now I couldn’t decide who would be best for me? All I came to know is, if I go for Rika I could forget everyone and everything. Hope I am crazy on her. Anyone would go crazy if they see her once. But a small separation between me and Sara is affecting her so much. I forgot her easily during the trip but that doesn’t mean I am not in love. I love her but I still don’t know how I forgot her. Rika has affected me so much. But sara’s condition is terrible. Three days without food, longing to talk to me and I have ignored her call when she called me. I’m such an idiot. If I had spoken with her once this wouldn’t have happened. What will their parents think? For my pleasure I have been giving pain to many. But this should not happen anymore. From now I should take care of Sara well and once she is strong I should tell her everything. But how will she take it? This should not turn into a big problem. I should cluster up everything properly and smoothly.

Jay asks you:

I still have a doubt on whether am I true to anyone? I have lied to Sara and my parents too. Whom do I love? what I did with Sara is right or with Rika is right? Having been travelling with me for so many days I believe you would have known be better. So do comment your views below.